i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
