your parents love me but you hate me
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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