I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
