You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
