I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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