its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
