that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
