Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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