Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
