"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
