Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
