my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
