After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
