He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
