You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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