Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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