Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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