I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My liver just had a heart attack.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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