we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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