The maid of honor just puked.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize