What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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