There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
