i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
