i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
