Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
