I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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