i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
