I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
