if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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