Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
