So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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