i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
