I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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