you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
