We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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