I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
