life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
