My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
