What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
