chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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