He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
