Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
