I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
