Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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