I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
