Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
