Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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