i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
