I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
