you would pick up someone in the library
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
