I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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