No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
