remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
