Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
