we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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