I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
