So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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