There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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