im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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