Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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