The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
