Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
