Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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