Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
