Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
