she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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