If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
