Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
