Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
