If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
